Mutilation

23rd June, I'll remember this day.

Why did the doctor take me this way?
My mommy and daddy are right over there.
You better return me, they love me, I swear!
Where are we going? What's thru this door?
Huh? A Gomco clamp... What is that for?
I'm scared and confused, I just started life.
What is a scalpel? It looks like a knife!
There's clamping and pulling, I just felt a tug...
Where is my mommy? I need a hug.
There's cutting and slicing, I'm starting to bleed...
I'm crying so hard, I can hardly breath!
No anesthesia... just excruciating pain!

You're destroying my body and cutting my veins!

Ow mommy it hurts, please make them stop!!
Am I in a hospital or a butcher shop?
Why don't you love me... what did I do?
I promise I'll be better, just give me a clue.
I'm covered in blood, my prepuce discarded.
I'm left unprotected and now broken hearted.
You allowed them to hurt me yet you were my voice.
I don't understand, I had no choice.

Savagely mutilated and forever scorned...

I rue the day that I was born.

A Moment In Scotland

I seem to have no problems making friends around the world... in fact, I've championed doing so. In late January / early February I made yet another online connection with a fella named Martin in Glasgow... just another day in the life of Wika! Despite the extreme time difference between us (11 hours) we somehow managed to find the time to speak on the phone or chat online. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, we grew to be very close and nurtured an extremely healthy and upbeat friendship.

One slow evening at my 2nd job found me browsing through online airfares to Scotland. I found a great deal on a return fare for a week and a half from the day I was looking online. Naturally, I booked it and decided to fly out to Glasgow for the weekend. (Why not right?!) The last time I was in the UK was over 10 years ago so I was quite excited. Although most of my excitement came from knowing that I was able to meet this amazing new friend who I grew to know so well.

After what seemed to be an eternity in the air, I found myself buzzing the doorbell to his flat. It was a tricky little device and left me a bit confused as to how it's meant to function. I assumed that once you press the button the person on the other end is meant to buzz you in. Alas, I saw a speaker box so I ended up pressing the button again to speak but was distracted when I saw a little camera looking at me. I giggled to myself because I had no idea what I was doing, but before I knew it, there he was opening the door and giving me a big hug.

It was interesting because we carry on for hours over the phone talking about everything and nothing... and I wondered if the same dynamic would exist in person. I've mentioned to him before meeting that I am more myself with him than anyone else and it still held true from the moment we met. But that's not to say that I wasn't nervous. My main focus the first moments in his flat was this big tree I could see just outside the window. It was an easy target to focus on rather than the butterflies that were in my stomach and the fact that my mind was going 180 miles a minute. Thankfully, it didn't take long to get comfortable and for the nervous energy to fade away.

Of course my wonderfully weird thought process took me on so many different tangents and I eventually started to daydream what it would be like to become familiar with this tree. I won't go into the specifics of it all but I will say that I notice details that would otherwise go unnoticed by most everyone else. And not to say that I don't enjoy siteseeing or typical tourist attractions, but I tend to remember and cherish special moments much more.

One of these special moments stemmed from an interesting observation by Martin. An ongoing joke between us is the style of music that I tend to find myself listening to... deep, dark, and sometimes even a bit dimented. I find a strange comfort in these types of songs and end up getting lost in the music. In response to this, Martin decided to show me the brighter side of music and played one song in particular for me... bruises by Chairlift.

I never heard the song before but found it incredibly charming and rather catchy. Randomly throughout my stay, Martin would sing the song to me and it never failed to bring a smile to my face. One evening he planned to show me a bit of the nightlife so we headed down to a local gay bar. It was a pretty quiet night, but that certainly didn't stop us from having a blast. We ended up making friends with the DJ who asked if we had a song, to which Martin replied bruises.

The song started to play and instantly put an enormous smile on my face. Martin took me by the hand, pulled me close and sang to me as we danced. I was in a trance... absolutely capitivated as I just stared into his baby blue eyes and smiled. Time seemed to pass in slow motion allowing me to savour every detail about that moment. The way our bodies moved together, the way he smiled as he sang to me, the way he looked at me... they made me feel incredible and sent me over the moon. My mind was racing while my body fluttered with excitement. I could only think of how wonderful he makes me feel and how much I love him and love having him in my life. At that very moment, the world could have been ending around us and I wouldn't have even noticed... or cared for that matter. Thus creating the absolute best moment ever in my life, and by far my most favourite.

What was meant to be a 3 day weekend getaway turned into nearly 2 weeks of absolute bliss. We had lots of yummy food and drinks and even managed to catch a flick at the world's tallest cinema. The city was incredible and the architecture simply breathtaking. We took the subway to get around and of course it reminded me of my trip to New York earlier in the year which was coincidentally right around the time I first started chatting with Martin.

I got a glimpse into Martin's daily routine and dare I say, I fit in quite nicely. Now it's my turn to return the favour and show him around my side of the world. White sandy beaches, tropical island breezes and drinks with little umbrellas wait to greet him... oh, and an eager Hawaiian as well.

What if....

What if it truly doesn’t matter what I do but how I do it? What if the fulfillment of my own happiness is not dependent on finding a different way of living but really about accepting my life right now? What if my contribution to this world is merely to appreciate it as it is? What if there is no need to change or to better myself? What if the essence of who I am and always have been are enough? What if the question isn't, why am I not the man I really want to be?, but, why don't I want to be the man that really I am?

What if becoming who you truly are happens not through striving but by recognizing the people that offer you the encouragement you need to unfold? What if the task is simply to be who you already are in your essential nature? What if you knew that the impulse to react creates beauty in the world and will guide you every time you simply pay attention? How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse to just let go and dance?

Aotearoa

2 long years had passed since I'd been with you last... land of the long white cloud. I am greeted by an overwhelming joy before I can even see you. By the time I catch my first glimpse of your shores my heart is smiling and my mind is at ease... I'm coming home. From the stunning beauty of your snow-capped mountains to the sweet melodies of birds that fill your skies, you evoke an explosion of emotions.

I reached a milestone in my life... 30 years old this year, and was able to pass my time and celebrate my life with you. But alas our time together is short and leaving you is always the hardest thing I have to do. The only thing that makes leaving tolerable is knowing that we'll be together again.

Although thousands of miles of Pacific Ocean separates us, it seems as though you're never too far away... I always find my way back to you. My heart shall always have a special place reserved for you. I long to spend the rest of my days with you.

wika-itis

i'm suffering from a severe case if wika-itis tonight.

There's still hope!

Today marks the 41st anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. My words could never do justice for what he's achieved in his lifetime. Whenever I hear his name, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of pride. I am proud that a man had the courage to fight for equal rights and to bring an end to racial segregation and discrimination... eventually making the ultimate sacrifice for his dream. Although he's long passed, he is synonymous with the Civil Rights movement. There is constant debate whether or not gay marriage can be considered a Civil Rights issue, but all the same, the struggle is just as real.

The Gay Rights movement has taken a big step forward and there is a definite cause for celebration as we received terrific news from Iowa. The Iowa Supreme Court struck down the ban on marriage between same-sex couples in a unanimous decision. Iowa now joins Massachusetts and Connecticut and is the third state to have full legal marriage for same-sex couples. Way to go Iowa!!

Across the way, Vermont House voted 95 - 52 to allow same sex couples to marry. I was able to tune in and listen to the event unfold via a live stream broadcast online. It was an emotional session with incredible testimony that moved me to tears on a few occasions. Just shy of a super majority, the bill is still subject to an imminent veto as promised by the Vermont Governor. Even so, there's still hope! You can e-mail VT legislature to ask them to override the veto.

Meanwhile, back in Hawai'i... the Civil Unions Bill is still sitting in committee. I received an e-mail with the amended version of the Civil Unions Bill. This revision does in fact reflect that same-sex partners cannot be lumped into the same category as blood relatives and siblings as reciprocal beneficiaries. I just want to remind people that there's still hope! Although the Senate did not pull the bill to the floor, the bill is still alive. The legislative session is ongoing and there are numerous options to revive the bill in its current and/or amended form.

You may be asking yourself, what can I do? Well, it is crucial to maintain a continued presence at the capitol and it is important to continue making calls, sending e-mails, as well as mailing hand written letters to all of our Senators . The Family Equality Coalition is a great source of information for maintaining such a presence at the capitol as well as upcoming events in support of the bill. Please take the time to sign up and stay in the loop... remember, there's still hope!



More from The Family Equality Coalition Hawai'i:

As we want to keep all options that could unify the Senate on this issue, a legal team is examining the proposal in detail, but the measure clearly states, "civil unions partners shall not have the same rights and obligations under law that are conferred through marriage." Partial equality is not an option, but await a full review.

Coming Up...

• Be on the lookout for an on-line advocacy action in the next few days. Again, as the bill is still alive, our voice must continue to reach the senators. Your immediate action is imperative!
• Mark your calendars for April 17. A healing and affirmative experience - much like our recent Light The Night For Equality candlelight vigil - is in the works at Unity Church. Details will be coming soon!

Aloha also means goodbye

I've never had a loyalty to any inter-island carrier so I always flew the most affordable. Of all the traveling I've done, I have to admit, I rarely traveled with Aloha Airlines for a couple different reasons, mostly due to high fares. I don't have any fond memories... In fact, what comes to mind are what I strongly disliked about their service. I begrudgingly admit that although I didn't particularly enjoy their service I absolutely loved the look of their older aircraft. Well, not that particular one flying from Hilo to Honolulu with an emergency landing in Kahului, but if you look closely you'll see it has some really groovy colour schemes. Ah yes, here's a much more flattering photo of one of their jets:

Self proclaimed as "the people's airline", Aloha Airlines ceased operations on the 31st of March 2008 laying off 1,900 employees, the largest mass layoff in Hawai'i. Needless to say, the 1 year anniversary of their demise is on many peoples' minds as evident by the front page of today's Honolulu Advertiser reading:

For ex-Aloha crew, it's been a rough ride

1 year after layoffs, many are working for less pay, if they're working at all

I work two full time jobs, one of which happens to employ a lot of former Aloha Airlines employees. I don't mean to be distasteful but all I've been hearing lately are the woe is me cries from them. I am certainly sensitive to the situation, but the constant bleating got old a long long time ago. There's a difference between being sad about something and undeniably living in the past. I read the above mentioned article, as well as several other articles related to the airline closure. These are a few of my favourite quotes:

• "Many are working for less pay, if they're working at all". Well, when you were making $25 - $30 an hour, it's rather difficult to find comparable starting wages especially in Hawai'i.
  
• "The company blamed soaring fuel prices and a fare war touched off by the June 2006 launch of interisland carrier go!" It couldn't possibly be poor upper management, lack of operating cost efficiency and overpaid employees could it?
  
• [from a former flight attendant now working as kitchen help]The job pays about half of what she was earning at Aloha and is more physically demanding. "My hands are all cut up and I get tired standing in front of a sink all day." Honey, that's life... suck it up and earn that pretty penny like everyone else.
• "The overall feeling is what happened wasn't just another company closing its doors. It was something more than that." Therein lies the problem, it WAS just another company closing its doors. Where is the delusion coming from that they are elite or somehow different than the other 1,200 people who were laid off last month alone in Hawai'i?

I understand that it's difficult to be laid off from any job, I was laid off before and my unemployment benefit paid me $208 every 2 weeks. Did I complain about it? NO, I dusted myself off and hustled to find work. I think it's time for them to stop living off the past achievements of Aloha Airlines and definitely stop wallowing in their failures. Maybe then they'll finally be able to get off their high horses with gold plated saddles and realize that Aloha also means goodbye.